Monday, March 05, 2007

Consumer Time Warp

It's just a JUMP to the left .... and then a step to the ri-i-i-i-i-ight. (Sage, I counted the 'i's just in case your Joe is going to come check on my transliteration)

Do you live in Ontario? Is it, and has it been, snowing cats and dogs for days? Are you heaving a baby carriage over massive banks left behind by the plow? Have you expended so much energy and enthusiasm in snow-clearing that you've broken your shovel?

Have you been to Canadian Tire to buy a new one? I have. And there is not a shovel to be found. Oh, no, wait: there are plenty of shovels, hoes, garden claws, spades, edgers, and weed whackers. Because if only I could get the 3 feet of accumulated snow out of my backyard, I would so be out there doing a preemptive assault on the dandelions. There are also garden hoses and garden gnomes, patio furniture sets, barbecues, cute little clogs, bulbs aplenty, and moonlights for those patio parties I'm sure to want to throw THREE MONTHS FROM NOW. Now, NOW, what I want is a snow shovel. Because in Southern Ontario in March, there is a lot of snow. In my driveway there is a lot of snow. On my sidewalk, there is enough snow to guarantee that when the bylaw officers come by, I will get a ticket--and all this snow fell yesterday.

But such is the consumer timetable that a snow shovel is not to be had past October: always pitch us several months ahead, grab us while we're enthusiastic, be the first with the new products to catch the market as it crests. And so the stores are filled with spring and Easter eggs, and the Paris runways showcase Fall 2007, while Winter 2007 is still hard upon us. Hard, hard upon us.

The poor CT employee I collared in indignation this morning pointed pitifully south: "Go to Home Hardware! I heard they have shovels! They're the only ones! Turn left out of our parking lot and you can't miss it! They're the only ones."

Just to be clear: if you want to daydream about the coming warmer months, you may exercise your retail fancy to your heart's desire. Go ahead and buy that cute aqua set of plastic patio dishes. If you're snowed in and needing supplies for the here and now, well, I hope you prepared your own emergency kit well in advance, because you're on your own.


Beck said...

Yep, stores are stocked by people who obviously are not getting snowed on right now. I need to get a pair of replacement winter boots, and can I? Nooooooo.

NotSoSage said...

Phewf. You just scraped through. Joe and I were having a debate over whether you got it right. We listened to the British cast version and Joe decided you were wrong. Then we listened to the movie soundtrack and found that you were right. He's a stickler, that guy. Good thing we went to Am@zon.

What's funny is that, as I was reading through, I was thinking, "She should go to Home Hardware." Isn't it weird? And it seems to get worse and worse every year.

ewe are here said...

Sounds like a lot of snow up your way. Brrrrr!

Hope spring doesn't dawdle too long in getting there.

Mimi said...

Sage -- I'm all about the movie version :-)

Beck -- Gah! I too have been stymied in my recent search for new winter boots! Who wants sandals in a snowstorm? NOT ME!!

Alpha DogMa said...

I don't care how crazy you looked or sounded there is no cause what so ever to have sympathy for Canadian Tire employees. Fuckers. Drive me up the wall. In their little itchy acrylic sweater vests and polyester pleated slacks and their snotty attitudes and general ignorance about their stock. And that is just the floor staff, don't even get me started on the staff in the automative department. Price gouging, blatantly lying, power tripping assholes. Did you hear that they sued a guy who was running complaint site? They sued for copyright infringement because they are so closely associated with the name Crap Tire. Maybe instead of suing over your bad rep why not expell some energy improving your operation!?
*deep breath*
*deep breath* did you get that shovel in the end?
I need to have a cup of wine, take the edge off the 4 cups of coffee I've had in the last 4 hours.

Bloor West Mama said...

Oh Mimi I feel for you...I freaking HATE this weather. I know that I have said this before but I really do. I remember last year we had such a nice winter, I guess Global Warming is bitting us in the @ss.

I hope that you did get your shovel and that you were able to clear your drive before the -30+ weather hit us, cause it sure is hard to shovel ice.

kgirl said...

whatever the seson, CT never fails to disappoint.

friggin snow. this had better be it.

Mimi said...

Hurrah, we managed to track down a shovel! Pynchon and Miss Baby went on an excursion to pick it up. I feel like we won the lottery. It's ridiculous.


gingajoy said...

GOD you're so right. Exactly the same in Michigan. Exactly. I schlepped all over our joint the other week looking for indoor fire logs. While I could buy a nice outdoor fire place to go with my outdoor grill and outdoor 3 piece living set, I could *not* find those bloomin' logs. Grrrr.

BTW--thanks for your comment at my place. I so needed it. (I'd email you, if I had your address. HINT.)

Jenifer G. said...

A friend tried to by (egads) a pair of extra snowpants for her little guy. She was told they were put on clearance three weeks ago. Um. That means they were clearing out in February!

It is all so ridiculous. I remember last summer the first "back-to-school flyer" came mid-July. I think I even wrote in on the calendar I was so annoyed.

Nonsense I say.