Friday, October 05, 2007

Snap! The daycare dis

I think! I may have had! My first run-in with a competimommy! I'm still reeling!

This morning, when I arrived at daycare with Munchkin, A--'s mom was just arriving too. I put Munchkin down and she ran over to her friends while I put her lunch in the fridge, filled out the log, and chit-chatted with the caregivers and with A--'s mom. A-- only recently started at the centre, and has been having a hard go of it, but today she seemed happy as she made eye contact with me, so I tickled her under her chin. As she smiled her big smile at me I noticed her shirt.

"Oh, isn't that funny!" I said to A--'s mom, "Munchkin has that very same shirt and she almost wore it today--see? She's got one on that's the same colour, but doesn't have the flowers on it."

"Really?" asked A--'s mom, with a near total lack of interest, "Yeah, I got this at Bonnie Togs. I bought A-- a bunch of cheapie clothes, you know, just for daycare."


I didn't quite know what to say: the reason Munchkin wasn't wearing her identical shirt was that it was so cute I wanted to save it for the weekend? that I bought pretty much all her clothes at Bonnie Togs? that I wonder what kind of baby has two wardrobes, with the 'cheapie' one reserved for the place she spends the overwhelming majority of her waking hours?

Maybe she thinks I'm rich or sophisticated or something and that I have two wardrobes for Munchkin, too. Or maybe it was totally a dis.

To be fair, it's possible that, as she walked out to her car and replayed the preceding five minutes in her head, A--'s mom felt like a total arse. It's possible that she's so stressed from A--'s difficult adjustment to daycare (no naps! no eating! no drinking! clinging and crying!) that she's too shell-shocked to make grownup conversation. It's possible she was just exchanging a personal detail from her daughter's wardrobe for the detail I offered from mine. It's possible she feels that I'm competing with her, because our daughters are two months apart in age, and mine is ten pounds heavier, several inches taller, and clearly very well accustomed to daycare (I did, in fact, note that Munchkin's shirt rides up over her belly, even though I bought it 24 mos size. A-- is wearing 12 mos, I am informed).

Still. "Cheapie clothes for daycare"? When I just told you Munchkin has the same shirt?

How about you? What do you think? Has something similar happened to you--or did you say something dumb to someone? Share your disses!


nomotherearth said...

Well, I'm not sure, but it would sound like a dis to me. (I'm very sensitive...) Personally, I almost exclusive buy the Boy what I consider "play clothes" - comfortable, casual, and meant to get dirty. I subscribe to the Sound of Music theory on dressing. I occasionally buy some "fancy" clothes for a fancy occasion, and almost never let him wear it. Too restrictive.

I think that you've already read my big competimommy dis - that "the Boy has probably napped more at the movies than he does a home". Some women are jerks.

cinnamon gurl said...

It's funny, because I buy cheapie clothes at Value Village for all the time wear. I thought Bonnie Togs was the pricey place (and I leave that for relatives).

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt... that said, my grandma (and my mom) always said that if you feel like someone's taking a dig at you, they probably are. Still, she's no doubt struggling with the transition and questioning the choices that got her child to that daycare (or at least I was when Swee'pea was struggling to adjust).

Gabriella said...

I actually know many many women that have two sets of clothes for their kids...all of Samantha's clothes are mostly from Bonnie Togs, Children's Place, or Old me they're affordable and cute and comfy. Comfy being the operative word.

But I wonder if she realized how it sounded when it came out of her mouth. I don't think she did. I'd forget about it, with some people you just can't win.

bubandpie said...

I'd go for the thoughtless explanation, mostly because of the way you described her manner - it sounds like a preoccupied and dismissive remark rather than a mean one.

But then again, I'm very naive. (I clearly wasn't raised by Sin's mom and grandma!)

crazymumma said...

I do not think it was a purposeful dis. I think she is just oblivious.

If it was then you have met a whole other species as far as I am concerned.

I do wonder however what she would think of MY littlegirl who wears the.same.outfit.everyday.

I mean it.

motherbumper said...

I've been dissed so many times I don't even know which one to pick. We have a huge blend of second/third hand, Value Village, eBay, H&M, and a huge pile of Ralph Lauren (grandparents!).

Trust me, concerning A's mom, odds are she was a total knob and while it probably wasn't directed exactly at you, she is a total snot who throws so many barbs she doesn't even know who she's hittin'. I'm glad it just bounced off you.

Omaha Mama said...

I'm going to guess it wasn't a personal dig. But more of a "don't forget how cool I am" statement. Those are the moments when I always walking away wishing I had said something really smart. And realize I only nodded.

slouching mom said...

For the non-Canadians, Bonnie Togs? Is there a US equivalent? Old Navy, perhaps?

I think this could go either way -- she's so stressed about her child's (lack of) adjustment that she's just not thinking about what comes out of her mouth. Or, it was a dig.

Not knowing, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, unless it happens again.

kittenpie said...

I'd guess that it wasn't personal, just maybe a bit defensive or in reaction to feeling a bit inadequate if she usually tries to get her up all fancy-like and is feeling that the poor kid doesn't look quite up to snuff or soemthing. But given what you had said, really, it's all about what's in her head, if you ask me.

I must admit, I occasionally see other kids in lovely outfits and then look at Pumpkinpie who is always in stretchy pants and T-shirts for ease of laundry, climbing, and potty access, and I think, "Man, she looks like a little ragamuffin." The fact is, she looks like an active kid. But sometimes I get that twinge, too. Still, I can't bring myself to spend gobs on clothes that will only fit for a season or two, and I don't want to be worried about what she does in them.

(Me, I tend to go Old Navy, H&M, and Gap's sale rack. We've also got this thrift shop in the neighbourhood that often has lovely, classic kids dresses and jumpers. I've never seen a Bonnie Togs in the city, so I'm not really sure how they fit in the scale of kids' clothes, to be honest.)

Kyla said...

Oh man! I'm just surprised people buy two sets of clothing! Really? KayTar has some cuter things I reserve for the days we are out and about rather than in the house, but we only have one set of clothing. Craziness.

I hope she was just talking out of her arse and not actually trying to be a meanie about it. But who knows. Keep your eye on that one. ;)

ewe are here said...

2 sets of clothing? Really? Pretty much all my boys' clothes are second/third hand or off the total clearance racks (and we're talking bargain basement). Except for shoes and socks; those they get new (save for wellies). They're just going to run around and destroy them!

I suspect she didn't realize how it came across, but, at the same time, doesn't sound like the kind of mom I'd want to hang out with.

something blue said...

That sounds like someone who might be a bit hung up on the materialistic things in life. That or she’s completely thoughtless.

Beck said...

Someone pulled nearly the same crap with me the other day - I said their kid was cute and that my kid had the same shirt and they were like "That's what she wears when we're sorting the garbage" or whatever. Wow. Maybe they're sisters.
I just started laughing and said "That was really rude, when you think about it," which made her stomp off, nostrils flaring.
(my kids DO have two wardrobes, by the way: the nicer hand-me-downs are for out of the house/school and the schlubby stuff is for home/yard.)

Mad Hatter said...

You know, I'm certain I say bone-headed things like this all the time without thinking. I'm also certain that I'm so bone-headed I never notice. That said, I'm with Sin. Bonnie Toggs is the treat I give myself when I'm visiting your fair city. Miss M wears everything from hand-me-downs/thrift through to a couple of end-of-season-sale high-end outfits that I picked up here and there on vacation. The only thing I won't let her wear to day care is my sister's smocked dresses.

Jenifer said...

I am not sure if this was as dis or not, I am never great at gaging this type of thing, especially if I didn't hear it first-hand. That said if it felt like it...

I wouldn't out and out say I have two wardrobes, but I do have lots of clothes that are hand-me-downs or from the consignment store that are for play. Nice outfits, and we get many as gifts are usually reserved for going out, etc.

I also love to dress the girls the same or in the same outfit in different colours so I do that sometimes too.

I think of Bonnie Togs as a nicer store so I am not sure why anyone would think of it as a discount store. I mean I just bought Papoosie Girl two pairs of nice track pants at WalMart for $7 each, I think it was their "sport line" how is that more higher end than Bonnie Togs?

I get some really expensive designer stuff as gifts and I go to the consignment all works.

Christine said...

once i showed a friend a watch my husband gave me for christmas. she said, "oh I have a cheap one like that, too."


i didn't say anything, but she later came and apologized of her own accord.

but still. . .

Bon said...

i was so delighted to hear again of this store called Bonnie Togs (it must be charming! says Bonnie, with wild and willful blindness) that it took me a while to really absorb the rest of the story. then i figgered out that girlfriend may not have been dissin' you (sounds more vacant and distracted to me, and maybe insecure about whether her little one somehow looked up to snuff in this alien land of daycare) but she was definitely dissin' Bonnie Togs!

hmmmph. i raise an eyebrow in her direction. who could insult a store with such a nice name, i ask you?

more seriously, um no...we lack the two separate wardrobes here. we have some Old Navy, some Value Village, some Sears, some local Froggies/Frenchies second hand stuff...not a Bonnie Tog in sight, alas. unless they only make girl clothes?

i've probably said dumb things and not managed to drag my foot from my mouth in time...

Jennifer (ponderosa) said...

I wouldn't take it as a specific dis, but it's definitely a statement on her values.

We have two wardrobes. Sort of. My mom and my MIL both buy super-cute clothes for my daughter, and I won't let her wear them to daycare because at daycare they play in the dirt every day. I love that they play in the dirt -- but they're not doing so in such nice clothes! What generally happens, then, is the super-cute stuff rarely gets used. Because at my house? We play in the dirt every day.

Lisa b said...

hmmm. I hope it was a poor choice of words rather than a dis.
I get a lot of comments on my daughter's clothes and I will often mention that I got a deal on whatever she is wearing. I love a deal. I love Bonnie Togs and Old Navy but I often find sale prices at Gap and Gymboree are similar if not better.
Maybe she's a shopper?
Time will tell I'm sure. Also I would agree if you felt she was taking a dig then she probably was.

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