Wednesday, March 11, 2009

He's practically a midwife!

My husband. He makes me laugh. Last night he told me the following story, the kind of story that makes you choke out a strangled laughing, "Oh, I'm soooo blogging that!" He said okay, because that's the kind of good sport he is.

So. As we're loading the dishwasher and rehashing our days, Pynchon says, "Hey, 'Christina' at work is pregnant again" and I offered my usual response, which is to snort and say: "Sucker!"

"How pregnant is she?" I asked.

"Well, I don't know. She's showing and she told everyone at work today. But she says that you show right away with the second one." He paused. "I've known for a while, though."

"Oh," I said, "you didn't tell me that! When did she tell you?"

"Um, she didn't actually tell me. I sorta knew. Urr. I mean. Um. I noticed a while ago that her boobs got REALLY BIG."

"!!!!"

"Ahhhh, 'Christina' is not, like flat-chested or anything, you know, if she wears a good bra, like you, you'd never really notice she's got big boobs. But then, like, all of a sudden, they were CLOWN BIG." (Here you have to imagine him doing the song and dance 'clown boob' routine he developed when I was pregnant.)

"!!!"

"So I thought she was pregnant, but obviously, I wasn't going to say anything. And then she started to look fat, so I was pretty sure. And then today she announced it."

This is the part I almost died laughing. I'm actually kind of proud that he is looking at coworkers' chests mostly to determine how far along they are. He's practically a midwife.

And I laughed and laughed and laughed. Ha!

13 comments:

Jenifer said...

That is some husband you have! I am impressed at how in tune my hubby is with all things pregnant and babies, it seems these guys are jumping right in.

On of hubby's greatest disappointments is that my chest did not grow at all, in fact it may have even shrank. I never bought a single bra for any of my pregnancies. Poor guy.

Kyla said...

That is SO funny!

Beck said...

My chest got GRUESOMELY big while I was pregnant. And then when I was nursing. !!!

I'm mostly just grateful, reading this, that my husband's coworkers are either middle aged or graphic artists. Boobs DO grow, but they're man boobs.

alejna said...

I never noticed that clowns have big boobs. What kind of circus does your husband go to?

Mimi said...

alejna: HA! Good one. I'll have to ask him ... (I wish he'd let me video the dance)

oh wait. he just let me video the dance! it'll be up tomorrow!

crazymumma said...

clown boobs? a dance?
this I gotta see.

Mandy said...

You are a generous and understanding wife.

;)

ewe are here said...

hahahahaha

When I was pregnant with Ramekin, I didn't look very pregnant until I was almost six months along. Except for the fact that I went from an A to a C by month five... and that's what my friends noticed, seeing as they were used to seeing me with any cleavage.

I'm back at C, for the third time now... luckily, I don't seem to get any bigger and will go back down when it's all over.

Patti said...

Um, did I just see you comment that there will be a video? Because I am REALLY looking forward to that.

I strongly suspect my husband would get along just fine with yours.

hoppytoddle said...

Pynchon, it's not nice to make fun of pregnant women or say they look fat.

Mimi, it's not nice to call pregnant women suckers.

So, how long are you supposed to wait to sy you're pregnant on your blog?

Mimi said...

Hoppytoddle: ARE YOU PREGNANT!!!!????

Cheryl said...

I'm with alejna-my first thought was trying to recall any clown that I've seen that had boobs. :)

Very funny story!

kittenpie said...

I love that he calls them clown boobs. Mine would just be happy I think, because he rather likes when mine get clown big!