Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Monday Miscellany: Scenes from a Marriage

The scene: our house
The time: this weekend
The players: 34 year old 'Woman' and 33 year old 'Man'; 10 month old 'Baby'

Scene 1:
Baby naps while Man windexes every window in the house; Woman drives--to the dump to be rid of paint cans, where there is a lineup, to the thrift store to donate clothing, where there is a lineup, to the beer store to drop off empties, where there is a lineup. Baby awakes refreshed. Mother and Father need naps.

Scene 2:
New neighbours moving in across the street. Woman runs over to introduce herself, tries not appear nosy, crazy, or stalkerish. New neighbours look a little shell-shocked, and wear matching Blackberries. Woman reports to Man that new neighbours might be younger than they. This is distressing. Baby coos and flails and demands attention.

Scene 3:
Baby plays in massive pile of hand-me-down books on the living room floor, while Man watches new neighbours move, offering a running commentary on their furniture and personal belongings for Woman. Man and Woman suddenly feel very extablished and ... old.

Scene 4:
Baby continues playing happily and independently amongst books. Man decides to see if he can still lift Woman in stylish, over-the-threshold manner. Drops her. Both collapse in fit of giggles, complaining about their heft, weakness, and general increasing age.

Scene 5:
Woman spots giant swooping bird of prey circling over the neighbourhood. Man and Woman move right up to the front window, mouths agog, bending down to better squint skyward. Baby eats books. Man and Woman suddenly realize they look like crazy nosy neighbours to new neighbours just across the street. Retreat hastily from window, muttering, "we're not crazy stalkers, nossir, we just like birdwatching. BIRDWATCHING, fer crissake. We're young hip urbanites. I think that was an eagle! Check out that wingspan." Baby falls over, but rolls cheerily enough under the ottoman, and chews its leg.

Scene 6:
Woman, in fit of spring fever, steam cleans the entire house. Man cares for Baby and lifts the heavy things. Tomorrow, they will both (Man and Woman, not Baby) be moaning from the pain of physial exertion. Baby will point at things and grunt. Then Baby will suddenly sprout her fifth tooth, to general surprise.

Phew. How was your weekend?

10 comments:

slouching mom said...

Love that play!

So funny. You cracked me up with this:

"Baby falls over, but rolls cheerily enough under the ottoman, and chews its leg."

Hah! Good stuff.

I think I'd like this Woman, Man, and Baby. Better than the Blackberry neighbors, for sure.

cinnamon gurl said...

It may have been a turkey vulture... they have HUGE wingspans and look very impressive in the sky.

I hate it when I look nosy and I was actually looking at something legit -- for once.

crazymumma said...

I love that you used the word 'extablished' in scene three.

Your house sounds really clean and organized right about now. I am having jealous feelings. Your 10 month old sounds delish by the way....eating books....so cute.

Mad Hatter said...

Isn't there a 50s sitcom about your life?

Jenifer said...

Well as you know we clothes sorted and cleaned and sorted out the van and garage. Our end table still has all of Papoosie Girl's bite marks.

My weekends often feel like random scenes as you have described, glad we are not alone in our sitcom as Mad says.

Beck said...

Hahaha.
I like to think of myself as 1) young 2) hip and 3) urban, too - despite the fact that I'm none of these things. My heart! It's breaking!

Oh, The Joys said...

Next you should write the play from the perspective of the new neighbors!

Omaha Mama said...

I'd be interested to know about steam cleaning. Actual steam cleaner? To tile? Or steam vac tool? Very curious indeed.

Love the visuals. We tend to look crazy to the neighbors often. And feel old. Such is life.

Mimi said...

Cin -- not a turkey vulture. Those I can recognize. This was probably a golden eagle, or a bald eagle, according to my dad.

The steam cleaner was a rental 'Rug Doctor' from the hardware store, and while it was the svelte one-piece plastic version it still weighed a millions pounds and sounds like an airplane taking off. Urg.

Bloor West Mama said...

wow, busy weekend.

In our household it would have been:

Man, works long and hard on family e commerce site while woman entertains, feeds, and cleans baby.

These have been our weekends for some time now as The Husband is the computer whiz.